Dear Coaches, Parents and Child Athletes:
January 18, 2008 | 1:35 pm | by tb-guest |Rate It:
Guest post from “The Corporate Mom”:
When I was 14 years old, I won a race and broke the school record at an invitational. I went on that day to perform in the top 2 in every event I participated. I was a freshman in high school and I was floating on cloud nine. I was so overjoyed and received so much praise that I did not notice that my father, who came to see me compete, had left the event. I did not see him again until I went home that evening. At dinner I expected a hero’s welcome, but my dad had not even told my mom about my performance and he sat quiet the entire evening. Later, before I went to bed, I found my dad and asked what was wrong. He told me that he was embarrassed by my behavior after my win. He explained that as I carried on and patted myself on the back, I did not notice that many of my teammates had a hard fight and someone was hurt – - my only concern was that I had a great performance. “You can’t be a winner without being a good sportsman,” he said.
What is a good sportsman?
As defined by Wikipedia.org, “Sportsmanship expresses an aspiration or ethos that the activity will be enjoyed for its own sake, with proper consideration for fairness, ethics, respect, and a sense of fellowship with one’s competitors.”
Maybe I am old school, but the cliché phrase “It is not whether you win or loose, but how you play the game” is something that my husband and I believe in and stress with our kids in all of their activities.
As I’ve watched our children on the fields and courts over the past few seasons, I believe many of us, students, coaches and parents alike have forgotten how to be good sportsmen. I am not casting blame, but I am hoping to throw out a reality check to everyone. Sometimes it only takes a moment to step back and see how someone else might perceive your actions and behavior AND to, hopefully, correct it.
The typical comment - - it is a game, a competition, we want to win, it’s the way sports are played, second place is for losers . . . and on they go . . . but, were talking about kids here - - 8 and 9 year old children.
In reality, the comments above are the epitome of poor sportsmanship.
If you see our children throwing their hands in the air, in disgust, because a teammate made a mistake, over dramatic gestures and comments when a play it not successful, vulgar displays of victory when they are successful, over exaggerated behavior at a win (mocking the other team) or loss (throwing things, “we suck”) – what do you think? What does the person next to you think, and the parents on the other bench?
If you see our coaches screaming at young athletes, not rotating kids into play or playing the “superstars” until they are winded, panting and wheezing. If you see coaches playing their own children, the entire game, while others sit on the bench – what do you think?
Now, take a moment and think how you would feel if you were that 9 year old kid on the bench. What are you learning? Remember, this is not all about winning - - it is about young children learning the fundamentals of a sport, as well as being a good sportsman.
My husband has coached since the age of nineteen, and he would pull our children from the game, in a heartbeat, if he saw them behave in the above manner. He would rather lose an entire season, but play all of the children, so they can all have fun, a chance to learn something and compete, than walk away as champions - -
I have learned that good sportsmanship and functioning as a team is the championship.
Dear Coaches and Parents: Teach. Teach the children well.
Dear Kids: Learn. Learn sportsmanship and you will know championship.
Love,
Mom
Interesting article, and something I can relate to for many reasons. I lived this as a kid to some extent, and it really does warp your perception of the game itself.
For me, it was baseball. I was always expected to hit - every time, every at bat, etc. I was supposed to hit 1.000. If I struck out, it was a crime. What that did was change how I played the game. Instead of playing what would be “smart” baseball, I would do just the opposite. Maybe throwing down a bunt with 2 outs and no one on base. Maybe the same thing with a guy on 3rd base. Whatever it took to ensure I got a hit, regardless of what the impact on the team was. More than one time I actually hoped for bad to happen to my fellow teammates instead of good. If I wasn’t feeling good against a certain pitcher, I would hope the guy in front of me would make the last out of the inning so I wouldn’t have the pressure of “delivering when it counts”.
But whatever. I actually believe it’s the “cycle of parenting”. One parent will push their kid to be a superstar. That kid will resent it and won’t push their kid to do anything as a result. That kid will then feel like they were neglected and push their kid…and so on it goes.
We certainly are an attention needing species, aren’t we?
I really hope that a lot of parents and coaches will read your article. This is so important for the kids.